Relationship Reset | Week 4 | Daniel Goulding | Echoes Church

The big idea

The greatest threat to culture isn't toxic masculinity but a lack of biblical masculinity, and a godly man is made by bending the knee to Jesus, not by accident.

Godly manhood isn't stumbled into, it's chosen. Pastor Daniel walks through Song of Songs to show that a godly man prioritizes his wife above his achievements, guards his character, makes his wife his standard of beauty, provides financially, and practices sexual restraint — and that becoming this man starts with submitting to Jesus, who can turn a broken man into a good one.

Point 1 of 5

Pastor Daniel notes that of the thousand-plus songs Solomon wrote, God preserved the one about his wife flourishing under his leadership, not his wealth or conquests. He warns men are tempted to find meaning in the marketplace and 'win in the boardrooms and lose in the living room,' urging that the greatest hit of a man's life should be his family.

Point 2 of 5

Working through the imagery of precious oil in Song of Songs 1:3, he explains that oil had to be purified from impurities, just as our character is purified not by our own effort but by bending the knee to Jesus and undergoing sanctification. He tells men that Christ-like character matters more than anything else, including how they look.

Point 3 of 5

He walks through the wife's insecurity about her tanned skin in Song of Songs 1:5-10 and shows how Solomon responds by affirming her rather than confirming her fears. He says a godly man trains himself, against his natural wiring, to have eyes for one woman and to create security for her inside the relationship, since attraction can start a marriage but character is what sustains it.

Point 4 of 5

Reading the wife's excitement over their new house in Song of Songs 1:16-17, he argues men carry the curse of laboring to provide and must shoulder that financial burden rather than shifting it onto their wives. He cites Paul's warning that those who won't provide for their household have denied the faith and are worse than unbelievers, and gives four practical keys to succeed in the marketplace: show up on time, work hard, respect authority, do what you say.

Point 5 of 5

He highlights the refrain Solomon repeats three times, not to awaken love until the time is right, as the last principle in the playbook. He explains that culture says to chase every feeling, but a godly man trains himself toward restraint because he is led by faith and submission to the Spirit, not by feelings.

Take it into your week

Pastor Daniel frames the charge as a decision every man can make right now to stop stumbling and start becoming a godly man.