Relationship Reset | Week 4 | Daniel Goulding | Echoes Church

It's funny as your kids get older, you find yourself kind of going back down, like, memory lane and looking at pictures of them when they were little. And you're like, oh, man. Life used to be so so simple. And, again, I I love having teenagers, but it's just it's different than having little kids. You know what I mean? Like, you're just it's different problems, different things you're navigating. And the other day, we were looking at some photos and came across this one of my kids. I wanted to I wanted to show you this morning.

Again, that's that's a little Braden right there who's now 13. In this picture, he's, I think, two or three. And then my daughter McKenna's right there, and Braden's dressed up as Captain America. We went to Chick fil A, and it was it was a great day. Right? He's celebrating, hitting everybody with the shield, and it's just awesome. And people are, you know, cheering him on and give him high fives because he looks awesome. And it's it's it's hilarious. Right? It's awesome. When little kids dress up like superheroes, everybody cheers. But but here's kind of the principle as I was thinking about this message today,

looking at this picture.

If I wore that exact same outfit today and went to Chick fil A and did the exact same things that my son did, I would receive a much different response from the people in Chick fil A than he did. Nobody would be cheering for me. They would be calling the police and saying, hey, we've got a crazy person that's at Chick fil A. Why is that? Because there's there's kind of an agreement amongst adults that as you as you move from boyhood to manhood, you stop doing some of the things that you used to do. K? Now here's kind of the principle that I wanna look at today as we talk about this idea of how to be a godly man and how to step into this cultural moment that we find ourselves in because I think it's a really big deal. And we live in a culture that has demonized it, that has demonized manhood. And I think we need to remember that it's a big deal because when boys act like boys,

we can laugh. But when men act like boys, we as a culture, we lose. K? And we have a generation of boys that have the ability to shave and have not really been taught what is manhood. And we also exist in this weird cultural moment where we have been told time and time again that the greatest threat to culture today

is toxic masculinity. Let me just tell you again, I've said it before. I'll say it again. I don't think that the greatest threat facing culture today is toxic masculinity. I think the greatest threat facing culture today is a lack of biblical masculinity.

And what we need to learn is how to be a godly man because it it matters. Now again, in my research the last couple weeks, I came across this lady named Camille Pugea. She's a she's a liberal feminist sociologist. And what she's studying is the results of what is taking place culturally.

Because for the last couple decades, we've been basically selling a message to culture that that men are kind of dumb. In every movie, every sitcom, the dad is the butt of the joke, and we've kind of demonized men.

And now what we're getting is we're getting the fruit of what we have sown into culture. Now again, this is not a lady with a biblical worldview. This is a this is a self proposed liberal feminist sociologist and this is her quote. She says, when an educated culture, which is us, we think we're very educated.

An educated culture routinely denigrates masculinity, women will be left with boys. And what is happening right now is we have a generation of young men that don't know how to transition from boyhood to manhood. And we have a responsibility to help raise a generation of God fearing, wife honoring, home building men.

Because when men get better, our homes get better. When men get better, our cities

get better. So where do we get our where do we get our marching orders from? It's it's gotta come from scripture. Paul says, first Corinthians chapter 16, men, this is our charge. Be on guard. Stand firm in the face. Be courageous and be strong. What I'm praying, what I'm asking for is for a generation of men to rise up who are courageous

and strong and stand firm in the faith in the face of a world telling you that toxic masculinity is the greatest problem facing culture. It's a lie. The greatest threat to culture is a bunch of godly men refusing to step into

the calling that is on our life. If you wanna see a family change, you gotta change the men. If you wanna see a city won for Christ, you gotta win the men for Christ. If you wanna rewrite the story of a nation, you've gotta win the men's hearts again for the gospel.

All this to say, again, women, I'm coming for you next week. But today, gentlemen, today is our message. Today is for us. And you can at any point make a decision regardless of how last week or last year has been. Even if you have absolutely

failed in every part of your life leading up till today, you can at some point make a decision to say, I'm call I'm stepping in. I I'm answering the call that is on my life. But you will not hear me. You will not stumble. You will not accidentally walk into real biblical

manhood. But here's the good news is that when a man decides to pursue godliness, everybody connected to him flourishes.

When a man decides to step into the authority that god has given him, everybody connected to his life begins to experience and reap the benefits. K? Now, again, dude, I I am for you and I am with you. But today's message, I gotta kinda go into some things. Okay? What we're gonna see if you've never read Song of Songs is it's a it's a very different type of book than we see in most of the Bible. It's got a lot of poetic literature. It it's literally like a like a a a faith hill and who's a guy, Tim McGraw? It's it's like their relationship. We're seeing these love letters and these songs that they wrote back and forth to each other. K? Now most of the time, what we're reading is we're reading Solomon who's writing about 39%

of the songs recorded in Song of Songs. Now, the the wife records about 55% of the songs because the bible reflects realities and women talk a lot more than men. Amen? And if you do the math, 55%, 39%, it doesn't get us to a 100. The rest of the commentary is her friends

speaking into their relationships. Why? Because again, the Bible reflects reality. And and gentlemen, if you think you're just dating her, you're not. Okay? You're also dating her friends. That text you send to her, it's getting shrie screenshotted, and her friends are going to give some commentary to it. And what we see is this, we see this relationship forming, this new marriage forming, and in there, there's a lot of insight that we can learn on how to be a godly man. K. It starts in Song of Songs chapter one verse one. This is Solomon's Song of Songs. More wonderful than any other. Verse two, kiss me and kiss me again. K. That's a great bible verse to make your wife memorize. K. Kiss me and kiss me again for your love is sweeter

than wine. I know we're just two verses in but here's kind of the setup and I'll I'll do. I'll just read a couple and then kind of break down what we're seeing. It it says that this is the song of songs of Solomon. Now, when you hear that phrase, song of songs, we see this all the scriptures that Jesus was king of kings. He was the lord of lords. It's a Jewish idiom that is trying to ascribe value to what we're looking at. K? When you say that Jesus was the lord of lords, it wasn't just that he was a lord. He was the lord of all lords. He wasn't just a king. All the kings, he was the supreme king. Here's why that matters to us. What we're seeing here is God is saying that this poem, this song that Solomon writes is the greatest one that he's ever written. Here's why it's significant. Solomon

wrote about a thousand and seven different songs. He wrote a ton of them yet supernaturally somehow god says, this is the most significant one that you've ever written. Of all the ones that you wrote, this is the one that you will be remembered for. Why does it matter? Because this is not a song about his businesses that he built. This is not a song about his wealth. It's not a song about the countries that he conquered though he did all of those things. He wasn't just the wisest man who ever lived. He also was the richest man who ever lived. They say in today's dollars, was worth probably

a trillion dollars yet here's what's significant. What is Solomon's greatest hit? What is the Justin Bieber baby for Solomon? It's not a song about his business. It's not a song about his education. It's not a song about his military conquest. It's a song about his wife who flourished under his leadership.

Here's the principle that we see here that godly men realize, that godly men understand.

A godly man is somebody who learns to prioritize his wife, that understands at the end of my days, the greatest thing that they will say about me is not that I built a successful business. I mean, not that I achieved a a high net worth. Though I'm gonna pursue those things, I'm gonna run after trying to provide for my family financially. Yes and amen. But if they say one thing about me, I want them to say that my wife,

she flourished under my leadership. When I walked in the door, my wife was better. My my my wife wasn't scared when I walked in the door. My home was the greatest place that I led and here's why that's so significant. Because gentlemen, you and I will all be tempted

to neglect our families and find meaning and purpose and satisfaction in achievements in the world. And part of this, we gotta realize that in the Garden of Eden, when sin entered the picture, there was two different curses put on men and women. K. The curse that God put on Eve, what was it? Says, hey, when you give birth, it's not gonna be awesome. K? It's gonna be painful. That that was the burden that women were going to carry forward. But men, our curse was that you were going to toil for work. You were gonna have to work for the rest of your life. And from that moment forward, we have been tempted to run past our families and find significance

in the marketplace and to go build a successful business and win in the boardrooms and lose

in the living room. And a godly man realizes that that's not a win. And if I get to the end of my life and what they're saying about me is that they're saying about me is that Daniel built a really significant church but his family were the ones that took the brunt of the cost,

that's not a win. And I know sometimes even in the church world, it's easy to think that because there's like this altruistic part of it, that it's something that you struggle with in the marketplace, but it's not something that happens in ministry. But I'm telling you, a lie from the pit of hell. And I tell young pastors all the time, guys, don't have a bigger vision for your city than you do for your family. Don't run so hard trying to win a city for Christ that you run past the most important disciples that you will ever make. Who are sitting in your living room, who are sitting around a dinner table. But here's the temptation.

The temptation is and I don't know why it is this way but sometimes our homes are the most difficult places that we lead in. I mean, even for me personally,

with my job, there's a part of my job where I stand on stages like this and people applaud for me. And I'm it's it's tempting to spend all of my time doing the thing that I get praise from. Instead of trying to figure out, k, I don't necessarily know how to have conversations with teenagers all the time. And sometimes you you say the wrong thing. You're like, man, this feels this feels unnatural. Like, I'm I'm good at building a business. I'm at running a church and leading a staff. I'll just go do that all the time, and I'll just become so busy that I don't have time for my family. And I'll tell my family, hey, I just I it's it's because I'm doing something really significant over here that I don't have time here, and they'll just have to understand. No. No. A godly man realizes that I've gotta figure out how to lead at home.

And the greatest gift that I can give my family is healthy leadership there. And winning in the boardroom and losing in the living room is not a kingdom win. But I also wanna show you again verse two what what happened. Solomon is leading his wife well. He's creating an environment where she can flourish. And verse two tells us that her response is, boy, kiss me and kiss me. Again, I like you. Right? This is the good news of a husband that leads the way that God has intended.

It allows a wife to step in and lead and initiate things physically which again, women, your message is next week but here's a side point that we see in the scriptures. K. In biblical God centered marriages, there are two people who are initiating physical intimacy.

So often what happens in marriage is the natural trajectory of marriages is you have one party that is playing offense and you've got one person that has moved into a prevent defense. K? And like, no. No. I've got headache. I'm busy. I'm tired. You got one guy that's on offense. That that can work in earthly marriages, but not godly ones. Biblical marriages are two people that are fighting for healthy intimacy

at home. If you'd missed last week's message, it was all about why what is god's plan for intimacy? It matters. But gentlemen, one of the first things we realize is it's our responsibility

to actually go and prioritize our wife. Your greatest hit should not be your business. Your greatest hit should not be your hobby. It should not be your platform. It should not be your job. Your greatest hit of your life should be your family. The the story continues in verse three that this is now the woman responding. She says, you're how pleasing is your fragrance.

Your name is like a spreading fragrance of scented oils. Again, it's just a side point but if the kissing in verse two is not happening in your marriage, try applying the practical principles of verse three. Smell good. Take a shower. Use water and soap together. Okay? Watch what happens. Put some deodorant on, a little bit of cologne, brush your teeth, you smell good, and who knows? You'll see what happens. Right? Because your name is like the spreading fragrance of scented oils. No wonder all the young women love you. Take me with you. Come. Let's run. The king has brought me into his bedroom. Now here's the friends that are gonna comment on this relationship. Oh, how happy we are for you, oh king. We praise your love even more than wine. And the young woman responds, how right they are to adore you. It's one the things like, what are we talking about? This this really has nothing to do with him smelling good though that's just practical advice for the young guys in the room. You gotta shower more. K? Change your shirt to the glory of god.

What we see here what we see happening here is she says something significant. She says, your name is like a scented oil. It's like a it's an oil that has this beautiful fragrance to it. Now, again, what's lost on us in our culture is that oil isn't really that big of a deal. We've got it everywhere. We got avocado oil. We've got all these different seed oils that are like the devil now, but there's oil everywhere.

In first century culture, oil was incredibly difficult to produce. It was expensive. It was rare. It was a it was an expensive commodity. What she's saying is that his name

is like this precious oil. There's a treasure connected to it. What she's talking about that her friends, you'll hear them, her friends chime in and they agree. They say that your name is is great. It's like this amazing scent. There's good things. They're talking about what should be the most significant thing for a godly man. More than big biceps, more than the right physique. What we're after, what a godly man realize is that the most important thing about me is my character. K? A godly man, if you're taking notes, has is somebody that has a clean life

and a good name.

You your name, whether you know it or not, it's a weird thing to think about, but your name has an aroma to it. It has a scent that is connected to it. Your your reputation is the thing that precedes you. And and the danger is is we will be tempted to just go, no. No. No. That that's not who I am, but the truth is is that what people say about you is the truth of who you really actually are. And again, for those of you who are dating, if you are dating somebody and all your friends are telling you, hey, this is this is not good news. I've heard I've heard really bad things about him or your parents are like, there's something off about this. I'm telling you, trust the voices that are in your life because the reputation

matters. But a a godly man begins to realize that the greatest thing that I can do, the greatest gift that I can give to my future wife, the greatest gift that I can offer my current family is a a clean life and a good reputation.

Christ like character matters more than anything else. So here's what that means. That means I'm gonna work harder at growing my character than I am just my physique. Yes. Sure. I'm gonna go down the rabbit hole and get all the peptides and make sure that I look good. Yes and amen. But I'm also I'm gonna run 10 times harder

after making sure that I have a character that actually matters, and it is the most important thing. But what what happened again for a century, how was oil produced? It it had to be purified. You would have to go through multiple rounds of purification

where the impurities that were in it had been removed. Now again, the scriptures talk about this. How do we have the impurities that are in all of us removed? Here's the greatest news for every guy in this room is that if you're here today and you're like, man, my my life is a mess. There's a lot of stuff that I'm not proud of. I I don't have a great character.

Here's the good news of the gospel is God's not sitting up in heaven going, hey, figure it out. Fix it. Get your life together. And when you've purified yourself, then you can come back to god and then you can be ready to become a godly man. No. The invitation this morning is to go, this is what purification looks like. The way that you and I are purified, we have the impurities in us removed

as we begin to bend our knee to the lordship of Jesus. See, the scriptures tell us that the gospel,

this thing called the good news is that you and I were all born with impurities in us. That we did we did nothing to do. They just were part of the sin nature that we were born with. But all of us have to do something about those impurities and we can't fix them on our own but the scriptures say that Jesus, he actually two thousand years ago, he became one of us. He lived a perfect life. He died the death that we deserve and because of what he did on the cross, we can actually be we can have the impurities removed from us not by not by works, not by achieving,

but by receiving and accepting what he did on the cross. And if you can bend the knee to the lordship of Jesus, submit to the spirit of god, you can begin to have the impurities removed from you and you can start to go through the beautiful process called sanctification.

Where the holy spirit over time is gonna continue to remove the impurities from your heart and your soul.

And the godly man realizes that's the most important thing about me. And women in here, you've gotta be the people that go, I'm gonna run after somebody. I'm gonna pursue somebody that has Christ like character. And knows you're you're you're tempted to set. You're tempted to do especially the longer that you're single. You're like, yeah, but there's just not that many that are out there. So you kinda just start to lower your standards, and you're like, I know he doesn't have like the greatest character, but Daniel, he's so hot. And I'm like, yeah, so's hell. Okay? Like,

that doesn't mean that you wanna be there. Right? That doesn't mean that it's that it's a good thing. And we've gotta remember both women and men that the most important attribute is Christ like

character. And again, as a new Christian, there's this thing that I had to I was like, wait, hold In in church, it's almost like this anomaly that exists in church and nowhere else in the world where a dude that's a three can marry a girl that's like a nine. And you're like, wait, how does that happen? And then I started to realize like, oh, and I'll talk about this next week. Like, oh, godly women, they value character above everything else. I was like, it makes sense now. That's how the three got the nine. But praise god. This is a great place to pick up a wife if you're a single dude in this place because godly women,

they care about character. So grow your character, run after your character, and watch what god can watch what God can do. And I know the temptation if you're here and you've been single for a long time, you're like, man, it's just it it's hard to be single and lonely. Let me tell you somebody that spends a lot of time with married couples, there's worse things than being single and lonely. It might be hard to be single and lonely, but I'm telling you it's devastating to be married and lonely.

And there's a lot of people that are married that made a decision years ago, a business decision to go, well, I'll I'll just date I'll date potential and he'll get better. And these things will go away. These things really aren't that big of a deal. And what happens is when the dust settles,

when the rainbows and the butterflies, the warm and fuzzies wear off a year or two into the relationship, you begin to realize, oh, character really matters. And it's the only thing that that will actually sustain

a relationship. It's why again, Proverbs chapter 22 verse one says this, choose a good reputation over great riches.

If you have an opportunity to choose between somebody that has great riches, great looks, great appearances, or great character, true choose reputation, choose character every single time because beauty may attract but character is what remains. Okay. Continues in verse five saying this. It says, I I am dark but beautiful, a woman of Jerusalem. Dark is the tents of Kedar, dark is the curtains of Solomon's

tents. Don't stare at me because I am dark. The sun has darkened my skin. My brothers were angry with me. They forced me to care for their vineyard. So I couldn't care for myself, my own vineyard. Tell me my love, where were you leading your flock today? Where will you rest your sheep at noon? For why should I wander like a prostitute among your friends and their flocks? Now the young man responds. He says, if you don't know, oh most beautiful woman, follow the trail of my flock and graze your young goats by the shepherd's tents. Now he's gonna start to give her some compliments. K? Dudes, take notes. Here we go. He says, I compare you, my darling, to a mare among pharaoh's chariots. He's like, girl, you're looking like sea biscuit out there just killing it. K? Just crushing it. The main whoo, girl, you're killing it. Right? I don't know if that one will still hit with the same potential, but you can try it. K? I'm I'm married, but you let me know how it goes. Verse 10.

How lovely how lovely are your cheeks? K? These are facial cheeks, you dirty people. K? How lovely are your facial cheeks? Your earrings set them afire. How lovely is your neck enhanced by a string of jewels? We will make for you earrings of gold beads and silver. You're like, what are we talking about today?

Again, poetic language. These are these are songs back and forth between lovers. What what she's doing, what the young woman is doing is for kind of the first time, she's expressing to her husband physical insecurities that she has about the way that she looks. Again, in our culture, tan is in and pale is out. In this culture, it was the complete opposite. Pale was in and tan was out. And what she what had happened to her through a series of events that we don't really know all the details between her family, she had to work outside. And because she worked outside, she's gotten really tan and she's insecure

over the way that she looks. And so she's expressing those insecurities

to her husband. And then she's also doing a second thing, which again, this is for the single people in the room. She's trying to figure out where he's gonna be later in the day. She's like, so what's your schedule doing? Where are you gonna be? Again, if you're here and you're single, you're to figure out, man, how do I meet a spouse? You find somebody that's opening a door. And you look if they've got no ring on their left hand or they're serving in kids ministry and they don't have a ring on their left hand. You're like, like the way that they look. Go sign up to be a greeter. Sign up to serve in kids ministry and align your schedule with theirs and just start bumping into them and see what happens. Right?

That's what she's doing practically but she's expressing she's expressing her insecurities and as much as I joke about how he responds,

what's the husband doing? The husband is building a place of deep security for his wife because here's the principle that godly men realize. That godly men set a standard that my wife is my standard of beauty. If she's tan, I'm into tan. If she's tall, I'm into tall. Whatever she looks like though she might feel insecure,

I love the way that God has wired her. Here's the principle. A godly man has eyes for one woman and he learns how to create security for his wife to exist inside of that relationship. You have to train yourself to do this. It's not natural.

Men our natural wiring which is so funny which is our culture is like, man, run after whatever your heart says. You're like, my heart tells me to do a lot of really crazy things. Like that's that is not normal. This will not be your default. Your default will not be to just stumble into and accidentally make your wife your standard of beauty, but that's what a godly man does. What is Solomon doing? Solomon's telling here, I know you don't like this part of you, but I love it. And you I know you also think because it's the lie that our culture has sold us that physical beauty is the reason that I'm into this thing. And obviously, attraction has to be a part of the thing. Right? It wasn't it wasn't my wife's character when I turned around and saw her in church that made me go, dang, I wanna take that girl on a date. Right? Like it's physical attraction has a part to play in this whole thing. But the world has told us that it's all about physical attraction.

And I'm here to tell you that physical attraction is something that can grow. And here's what's amazing. My wife and I been married for almost twenty years. Both of us look nothing like we did when we were young and got married. And I can tell you with 100% honesty,

I'm more physically attracted to my wife today than I've ever been in my life. And it's not because gravity isn't winning on both of us. Right? Like we're we're both losing to gravity in age, but I've learned how to train myself to be somebody that looks at my wife as my standard of beauty. She is the object of my affection. And godly men realize,

sure, attraction can start a relationship, but it's character that sustains what a biblical marriage is. It's a covenant. It's much greater than just something that you stumble into this casual encounter.

No. It's a big deal. It's why attraction can be a a thing to start a relationship with. But when you're dating, side point, and when you go on these dates, dudes pay for all the dates. Okay? You pay for them. If you go on a date, girl, and a guy tries to use you to split it, you run for the hills. I would also say, on the flip side, if you're a dude, you take a girl on a date, and she insists that she has to because she's a powerful woman, she has to pay for half of the date, I would tell you to also run for the hills. She's not gonna like what the bible says about structure and order and headship. Okay? But again,

dudes pay for dates. Don't be a chump to the glory of God. Okay? But here's what you're doing in dating. Attraction will start it but then what you're searching for is the condition and the character of their soul.

I I started to date my wife because I was physically attracted to her but I didn't marry my wife. I didn't fall in love with her because of her physical beauty. I started to see her heart. I started to see how careful she was with her words. How how caring she was to the people around her. And it was her character that I fell in love with. And what's beautiful today is it's that character that sustains this physical attraction that we have together. And again, the lie of culture is that physical is ultimate.

But I'm just telling you, if beautiful people having lots of sex is what created great marriages, we would run and look to Hollywood for our standards of marriages. But we know that some of the most broken, some of the most dysfunctional relationships are beautiful people who are just trying to have a lot of physical

intimacy. Attraction can start a relationship but it's it's character

that sustains it and a godly man begins to learn to make my wife my standard of beauty. Here's what I'm telling you. If your wife is short, you're into short. Okay? If your wife is tan, you're into tan. If your wife is not tan, you're into not tan. Your wife has to become your standard

of beauty because godly men have eyes for one woman and create security for her to exist inside of that relationship.

Verse 12 continues.

It says, while the king was at his table, my perfume filled his room. My lover is a sachet of myrrh lying between my breasts. That's one of those verses which is really funny because there's a lot of theologians that will try to say that song of songs is is poetically describing a relationship between God and us, his bride. And when he's talking about breasts, he's talking about the Old Testament and the New Testament. I'm like, why are Christians so weird about sexual intimacy? They're like, they'll do all these loopholes to make it say something other than what it clearly is talking about. It's a romantic relationship

that's beautiful inside of a a married covenant relationship between one biological male and one biological female. Verse 14, he is like a bouquet of sweet henna blossoms from the vineyards of Engetting. Now the guy responds, how beautiful you are, my darling. How beautiful. Your eyes are like doves. And then she says, you are so handsome, my love. Beyond pleasing, beyond words. The soft grass is our bed. Fragrant cedar branches are the beams from our house, and pleasant smelling furs are the rafters. Again, if I had time, I can make a couple points that are in here. But here's kind of the the gist of what they're saying. What she's now talking about, what she's kind of bragging about is this new build that they just got to walk through in Morrison Ranch. Right? They got to walk together through this house and she's talking about all the upgrades that they got to bring into this new home with them. And she she's excited

about the financial position that this guy that she married is in. Here's the principle that applies to us men. A man of God is somebody who is financially responsible. A godly man is one who is financially responsible.

Notice what I didn't say. I didn't say financially balling out of control. You're a multimillionaire. You're able to dunk on all your friends. No. No. No. The the goal is stewardship. The goal is obedience.

The goal is being faithful to what God has put in front of you. And what you and I will be tempted to do is to take again the curse that was put on us in the Garden of Eden. The curse was that men, you are going to shoulder the responsibility for working for your family. You will carry the financial burden of your home. That doesn't mean that your wife can't work. That doesn't mean that your wife can't make more money than you. That can happen and it can be healthy as long as the husband is still the one that says, man, the buck stops with me. I shoulder the financial burden for our family.

But what is often happening inside of marriages, inside of homes of people that I meet with is you have boys that are trying to navigate through these things. And a wife is saying, hey, his fantasy football team is winning, but we're not winning at home. His hobby is funded, but the bills are not paid. And we've taken the burden that God has put on us as men to shoulder the financial load for our families.

And we've shirked it and we've put it on our wives who weren't built to carry it, who are not wired to carry the pressure that comes with being the financial provider of our home. And a godly man realizes, hey, it's not it's not my responsibility to be the most incredible person in the world and achieve the biggest business in the world, but it is my responsibility to create a place where my wife is financially secure, where she's she's healthy, she's able to thrive, and she knows that I got this. I will I will do whatever it takes to provide for my family. I I need to just tell you this morning, men, if if you are not stepping into that role, the scriptures have some really harsh things to say to us this morning. Paul says in first Timothy chapter five, to those that won't care for their relatives especially those in their own households, you have actually denied the true faith.

Such people are worse than unbelievers.

He says, you know what's worse than somebody who's still operating from a position of being hostile to God? You're still an enemy with God. You know what's worse than that? Somebody that has the audacity to think that they're a follower of God have submitted their lives to Jesus and are still shirking the responsibility that comes with that and putting the burden of that on their wife. And you're running after all your hobbies and all your your fun things while your wife is at home stressed out. That's not winning. A godly man realizes that it's my responsibility to take take care of my home. It's my responsibility

to make sure that my family is provided for. Now here's again kind of the cheat code to all the young men in the room. I'm gonna give you a couple things. If you do these things, I promise you, you will crush it in the marketplace. If nobody's told you this, the marketplace is a competition and you gotta bring value. But the good news is because you're competing against boys, if you just show up and do a few basic things, you can win. Here's how to crush in the marketplace as a follower of Jesus. Show up on time. Work hard. Respect authority.

Do what you say you're gonna do. I'm telling you, and you if you do those four things in almost any industry today, you will you will find promotions. You will be able to provide for your wife. You'll be able to provide for your family.

This is the good news, friends. It should be it should be a liberating thing. It should be a freeing thing. It's not it is not bondage to step into. No. No. It's it's the spirit of God empowering me. God is my provider. God is my provision.

And you will have to be careful. This is a this is a tension to manage more than a problem to solve. The tension to be managed is that you've gotta you've gotta go out and work and be a financial provider. And there's something innate in us as men that we are wired to go out into the world, kill something, and drag it home and eat it with our families. It's part of how we're wired. But you will be tempted to find all of your significance and your purpose and your meaning in there. It's why as you are learning how to provide financially that you also couple with it biblical generosity. It's how you stop that job that's supposed to be a blessing from becoming a curse and it becoming the God that you now worship. That's why we as men realize that hey, we have we have a financial responsibility to step into this thing. It is our job whether culture has told us it's not, it doesn't matter. And what is happening in culture right now is there's a generation of boys that are being sold a message that says that anybody who's achieved something in this life, there's something morally bad with them. And you will be tempted to think this is the solution.

We run after and we vote for politicians whose policies effectively take resources from people that have it and they give it to people that don't. I'm telling you, that's not the solution.

That is a message from hell that is going to further a generation of boys being stuck into being boys. Instead of saying, no, no, no. There's a there's a financial responsibility for you to carry. But gentlemen, hear me in this room. If you don't if you don't heed my warning and step into the assignment that God has given you, you will unintentionally become a guy that just does this. Because men who avoid responsibility,

they eventually resent men who embrace it. I'm telling you, I've sat in conversations with guys who've looked at their parents and said things like, I just think you have too much

and I think that your wealth should be redistributed. And it's like, well, that's ironic because my too much is what pays for your life. You know, like, but there's this this message, this lie that has seeped into culture that people who've embraced this responsibility and have run after it are doing something morally wrong. No. It's not true. Biblical men, godly men realize that financial responsibility is part of the calling that's on us. Okay, last point that I have, you gotta skip down to Song of Songs chapter two verse seven.

This is a theme that Solomon will repeat three times. He says, promise me, a woman of Jerusalem by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right.

It's the only principle that Solomon will repeat three times as he's kinda given us a playbook of how to be a godly man. Here's the last point that I have for us this morning is that a godly man is somebody that practices sexual restraint.

What Solomon is speaking to, who he's speaking to primarily is a man that's in the process of of courtship who's still single trying to pursue a relationship.

He says you've gotta remember not to awaken love before it's time. Love is a beautiful thing. Intimacy is an incredible gift that God has given us. But when you take that gift in the context in which God has created for it to thrive, the thing that's supposed to be a blessing in the wrong context will become a burden. And so a godly man realizes that my responsibility

is to train myself to be restrained sexually.

Culture will tell you the solution is just run after everything that you feel. And the bible says, no. No. You gotta learn how to restrain yourself sexually. You gotta learn how to train yourself that physical intimacy is not the end all be all. Is it an amazing gift? Yes. Do we pursue it? Yes. But at the same time, have a responsibility to teach ourself restraint.

But culture is saying just run after what you feel. And the bible says, no, you gotta learn to restrain what you feel sometimes. Because a godly man is not one that is led by feelings. It's one that is led by faith, submitted to the spirit of God. And here's the good news this morning. If you're sitting here and it's like, man, all five of these, I'm just epically failing you. I'm all for five of all of these things. Here's the really good news. Like I said at the beginning of this message, at any point you can make a decision to start over. At any point you can make a decision to pursue becoming a godly man. And this is the good news of the gospel, my friends, is that really bad men can become really good men when they submit their lives and bend their knee to the greatest man who ever lived named Jesus.

And the path to becoming a good man that blesses our wives, that honors our family, that flourishes the the kingdoms that we're connected to, the communities that we're in, is a man that realizes, man, this starts by bending the knee to the lordship of Jesus. Submitting my life to him, asking him to come into my heart and set me free to forgive me of my past and begin to transform me from the inside out. And so I just wanna ask as we end this morning, if you're here today and you're a man, you've never said yes to saying to submitting to to Jesus as your Lord and savior, I wanna give you an opportunity before we take communion together to do that right now. Unless everybody would, just close your eyes and bow your heads. I wanna create again in here an atmosphere of faith

for all the men that are here today. Again, if you're a female and you feel like, man, God is speaking to you too, don't feel like you're exempt from praying this prayer. But specifically to the men, to go, I just I I want to. I wanna become a godly man. I know I've made a mess of this thing.

But today, I'm choosing to start over. If you want to, for the very first time, say yes to making Jesus your Lord, it's the it's the beginning of the process of becoming a godly man. If you're here today and you wanna say yes to Jesus,

I'm gonna ask you right now on the count of three, just throw your hand up right where you are. No shame. It's just an atmosphere of faith. You're responding to what the spirit of God is doing in your heart. One, if that's you, no shame in the room. Two, on the count of three, wherever you are, throw them up. Three, if that's you, don't be ashamed. Hands going up all over this room. I see your hand. Put them. Come on. Elbows to ears. Be proudly so we can see those hands. We see them. Hearts responding to you. People saying yes to Jesus. Keep your hand up just for a second. Reaching out to heaven for forgiveness,

for restoration, for that which has been broken to be restored.

Father, we thank you for every hand that is responding to you, every heart that is saying yes to your invitation. You can put your hands down. Thank you. If that was you or you know it should've been you, just pray a prayer like this with me in the quietness of your heart. Just say, Jesus, with all the faith that I have,

I give you every part of who I am. God, I might not be the best man, but I I wanna become a godly man. And Jesus, I'm asking you to come into my heart, to become my lord, to become my savior, and to become my king. I acknowledge you as the son of God

who stepped into this world to make a way for me when there is no way. So Jesus, would you come into my heart now and set me free? In Jesus' name, all God's people said, amen and amen. Now you guys got one of these on your way in. Communion is one of the most significant things that we do together as a church family.

And those of you who just said yes to Jesus, man, welcome to the family and you can you can take communion with us. But, again, I know you got these on your way in. If you don't have one, just throw your hand up. Our ushers will make sure you get one. There's one right here. He's coming down here right here.

If you don't have communion, you would just throw your hand up. Our ushers will get one to you. But here's the thing that I want us to remember this morning, that taking communion is a really big deal. It's not just a religious box checking.

It's something that the scripture say to to not do if there's any type of, like, unholiness that's happening in our hearts. Jesus said that this is what we would do to remember that the linchpin of everything, the linchpin of our faith is the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus.

And so we take communion remembering Jesus' body that was broken for us. Together today, we take and eat the body broken for us. And then Jesus took a cup with his best friends and says, guys, I want you to do this in remembrance of me.

That the salvation that is free for you, it cost Jesus his life, and it was his blood being spilled out that gave you and I a path to becoming a new creation in Christ. So together we take and drink.

So, Jesus, we thank you. We thank you for your body broken, your bloodshed for us. But because of it, we have an invitation to truly live. In Jesus' name, pray. Amen. Hey. Before you leave, I wanna close this morning a little bit differently. K? This is going to be kind of a a charge

to every guy that is in this room. And I know for all of us, we're on different places in our our faith journey. But I'm gonna ask every guy in this room, if you would, right where you are, stand to your feet. And we're gonna close together declaring some truths over our lives,

over our families because here's the principle. Here's the principle that I want every guy in this church to get hold of. Your words matter more than you could ever possibly imagine.

Why do we need to learn how to speak life over our wives and our kids? Because your words matter. Your words will create the worlds that the people closest to you will live in. So what we're gonna do together is we're going to declare some truths. Even if you don't feel like they're true right now, we are together. We're going to put this thing on the screen. We're gonna read it together. We're gonna declare these truths over our lives even if it's just prophetically. This is what we're gonna walk into. This is who I'm this is who I'm claiming that I'm going to be. So I'm gonna read it. You're gonna read it with me, and we're gonna declare these things over our lives together. Here we go. I am a man of God. God is my father. Jesus Christ is my Lord. The spirit of God and the word of God are my guide.

My family is my highest earthly calling. I am not a perfect man, but I am a forgiven man. All of my sins,

past, present, and future have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ, the son of God. And because of him, I live free from the wrath of God and the power of sin, death, and Satan. I will love my savior faithfully, bless my wife intentionally,

and build my family with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I will not drift. I will not bow, and I will not waste my life. In a generation of boys, I choose to be a man. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Come on somebody.

And I I know I'm way over time, but it's the 12:00. There's nobody else coming. So what's amazing to me, that that that verse right there, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. It's Joshua's last sermon he ever preached.

The last message he ever gave to the nation of Israel was, guys, I'm about to die. Don't give up the fight. Stay engaged in faith.

In front of his family, in front of his community, He prophetically declared, as for me and my family, we're gonna serve the Lord. Gentlemen, you've gotta take a stand. In the face of a culture that is telling you that toxic masculinity

is the enemy, we take a stand and say, no. No. For me and my house, we're gonna serve the Lord. We're gonna step into this cultural moment. Our families need us. Our communities need us. Our church

needs us. Your role is more important than you could ever possibly imagine. Amen? Man, I love you. I'm praying for you. I'm cheering for you. Women, I'm coming for you next week. Okay? So, guys, have a great rest of your weekend. We'll see you guys next week.