Phone A Friend | Week 1 | Joshua Paul | Echoes Church

Well, my wife and I celebrated our fifteen year wedding anniversary recently, and well, thank you guys. Appreciate it. We did it. A story for another day though is that we actually only dated for seven weeks before we eloped.

I wouldn't recommend that for everyone, but we chose obedience in our lives, and the Lord has just blessed us, given us favor and grace. Fifteen years later, we have a 13 year old, a 10 year old, and we're so grateful for what the Lord has done in our marriage.

But I distinctly remember our very first Christmas together. We were newly wed, still learning a lot about each other, what we like, what we don't like, our preferences. My wife would say, I am a picky person. I like the word particular

a little better. I think I'm more particular. You know, I know what I like, what I don't like, and normally have a reason for it. Well, that first Christmas, we both found out together I'm apparently a pretty particular person to Christmas decorations. I had no idea, she had no idea, but we figured it out together.

So we're discussing one day, where do we want the Christmas tree to go? She wants to go in one spot, I want it to go in a different spot. We have this conversation. I then put it in the place that I thought we agreed upon. Spoiler alert, I was wrong.

It was not the spot that I thought we agreed upon. So we put it in this position, I go to work for the day, and if you're wondering what working in ministry is like, the busy seasons are Christmas and Easter. So we're approaching our first Christmas

as newlyweds, approaching our first Christmas as newlyweds working in ministry. Well, go to work. I have a long day. I don't remember all the details of it, but I know I got home late that night. I get home, open the door, walk inside of the living room.

The first thing I notice is the Christmas tree is not where I left it. It's now in the spot she wanted it in. Do you guys think I walked in and was like, wow babe, it looks so good right there. I did not. I can confidently say, hopefully with some humility, that I stupidly responded in a very poor fashion.

At this moment in my life, I apparently was too immature to process my feelings or use my words well, so I walked into the house, saw that the Christmas tree had been moved, had a tough day, and this was the last straw for me. Looked around, I saw a picture frame on the wall, I chose to punch it.

If you're wondering what putting your fist through glass does, not a great experience. So literally cut my hand all up, I go to the bathroom, I start washing my hands, I immediately just have regret and shame. Immediately. I know I messed this one up, so I wash my hands, go back out to my wife,

we're picking up the glass together, ask for her forgiveness, and she she gives it to me. I apologize and she gives me something that was unwarranted and unearned. She just forgave me, and I can look back in that moment and look over the years. This was one of many times that my wife gave me something

that I didn't earn or deserve, just like Jesus has given us. She modeled the person of Jesus to me in a way I'd never experienced before. Now fifteen years later, we can share this story light hearted.

We have friends that have known us since that first incident, and they will sometimes to this day when Christmas rolls around, they'll text me like, did you move the Christmas tree again? Like, no, I did not. She decides where it goes. I just say, yes ma'am, and put it there.

I share that though because I learned something. I learned something that Christmas as I look back on it. You can't give what you don't have. See, I wasn't carrying peace or patience or grace, so I was unable to offer it. But my wife gave me something I didn't deserve. She offered me forgiveness,

and that's what we're gonna talk about today. Forgiveness.

In moments that are unwarranted and unearned, choosing to give something that was never deserved. Think about this for a second with me, forgiveness. Forgiveness is only needed when it's undeserved.

You can't give forgiveness to someone that deserved it or earned it because it's no longer forgiveness. It's just fairness. And the reality is forgiveness at its core is not fair. You cannot earn forgiveness. It has to be freely given. And I want to acknowledge something in the room though for all of us.

I know every single one of us has a story. I know every single one of us has a past. I know every single one of us has done something we wish we didn't do. I assume almost all of us have had something done to us we wish never happened. And I'm not minimizing those things,

but scripture speaks to this clearly. There's this tension about what forgiveness is, and I wanna start in Colossians three verse 13. And today, anytime you see a word that is bold and italicized,

I want you to read it out loud with me. I I really want this time together not just to be me reading scripture to you, but us actually reading it together. So when there's a bold italicized word, let's just all say it out loud together. Colossians three, make allowance for each other's faults and forgive

anyone who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. It does not say forgive if they apologize. Does not say forgive if they deserve it. It does not say forgive when you feel ready. It just says you must forgive.

Because forgiveness is not rooted in what happened to you, what they did to you. Forgiveness is rooted in what Christ has done for you, and that's a powerful, powerful distinction. We don't forgive because they earned it. We forgive because we never earned it. And we've all had moments like this.

Moments where we have hurt others. Moments where others have hurt us. And my my hope my hope today in this brief time we have together is that we would desperately ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to us what is forgiveness. That through the living, breathing word of God,

we would understand what forgiveness truly is from a biblical perspective. But I think the best way to understand what forgiveness is, is to first actually unpack what forgiveness is not.

And so quickly, just wanna talk through these four things about what forgiveness is not before we talk about what forgiveness is. First,

forgiveness is not denying. It's not us pretending that whatever happened didn't happen. We're not denying it. It's not denying the truth of what happened and how it actually has affected our lives. It's not you or I saying that what you did or what happened to me didn't hurt me.

See, healing from it doesn't start with pretending or denying it. Healing always starts with honesty. Forgiveness is not denying. Second, forgiveness is not forgetting. It's not erasing what happened to you. It's not brushing past the pain like it wasn't real.

It's not thinking it didn't happen, so it doesn't matter. It did happen. It does matter. But you can't heal from something you're trying to forget. You can't heal when you pretend it wasn't real. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Next, forgiveness is not controlling. It's not controlling the narrative.

Forgiveness is not contingent on our own experiences or expectations of what should be happening. It's not offering to forgive only if they apologize or only if I think they deserve it. You can't heal from it if you continue to try to control it. Forgiveness is not controlling. And last, forgiveness is not reconciling.

It's not dependent on reconciliation with the accuser. See, we can forgive someone and still move on from someone.

Situations may vary. I get it. Circumstances will vary. I get it. We all have a different upbringing, a different past, different things we've gone through. But reconciliation and restoration are not a requirement of forgiveness. Can they happen? Absolutely. It can lead to that, but do not be confused. It is not a requirement

of forgiveness, because you won't be able to heal from something you continue to live in. I love what pastor Daniel said a few weeks ago. I literally told him after he said this, he's like, this is one of your best lines. I was like, it's so applicable to so many things. I literally told him, I'm stealing it.

He said, if the cycle is predictable, then the cycle is preventable.

If there's a cycle in your life, you are experiencing something over and over again, whether it's something you are doing or something being done to you, if it's predictable, it is preventable, because you can't heal from something you continue to live in. Forgiveness is not denying. It's not forgetting.

It's not controlling. It's not reconciling. And if that's what forgiveness is not, then what are the four things that forgiveness is?

First, forgiveness is debt free. It's debt free. You cancel the debt that you feel someone owes you. If you refuse to cancel it, you will continue to carry it your entire life. Colossians two verse 13. Again, those bold words, let's say them out loud together.

You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ for he forgave all our sins. This next one, read it together. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. He canceled the debt.

See God didn't just like reduce what we owed a little bit, our own sin or the sin committed against us. He didn't reduce it, he erased it completely. He canceled it because forgiveness is debt free. Forgiveness is ongoing. It's a process. It's not a one time decision.

Forgiveness is not just something you do once. It's a choice you have to make again and again and again. And I'd be willing to bet you will never feel like forgiving. But forgiveness isn't a feeling. It's not an emotion. Forgiveness is a choice you have to make. Matthew 18 verse 21, then Peter came to him and asked, Lord,

how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times. Alright.

I want to understand the cultural context of what's happening here. First of all, I love Peter. He constantly puts his own foot in his mouth, and I love it. Like Jesus hung out with that guy. I'm okay to hang out with Jesus too. Alright. So Jesus is in this moment with Peter. Peter's saying, how often should I forgive someone that wronged me? Seven times.

Culturally practicing Jews in this time, they thought it was acceptable to forgive someone three times. That was culturally acceptable and even generous.

So Peter, being who he is, wants to be uber spiritual. He's like, come on guys, watch this. I'm gonna be really cool with Jesus. He's not just gonna say three. He's gonna double down plus one. Not three, not six. He's like, I'm going above and beyond, baby. He's gonna know this is it. Seven times? What does Jesus say?

No, not seven times. Jesus replied, but 70 times seven. Alright. So here's the power in that particular statement. If you read different translations, the number changes a little. Some say 70 times seven. Others just say 77. Here's the power in that that that statement.

It's not that there's inerrancy in the scripture. There is not. What's happening is Jesus is dismantling this idea that there's a numerical boundary around forgiveness. He's literally saying, I am going to pay for eternally, foreshadowing what happens on the cross, so quit keeping score.

Quit trying to take something I'm paying for eternally and trying to keep track of it numerically. Quit keeping score. He's breaking this whole idea. He's about to pay the ultimate debt, so we need to stop offering it numerically and receive it eternally. And next, forgiveness is undeserving.

See, none of us have ever deserved the forgiveness extended to us. Yet when we truly received it, we then can choose to give it. Here's the tension, though. It's undeserving. The extent to which though we choose to be unforgiving often reveals the extent to which we don't understand forgiveness ourselves.

Let that sink in for a second. The extent to which we choose to be unforgiving, it's a choice, often reveals the extent to which we do not understand the forgiveness given to us in the first place. Titus three:five says this, He saved us not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.

Did you catch that? Saved us, gave us forgiveness, not because of the righteous things we had done. It is not a reward for being good. It's because of his mercy alone. And then when you realize that, when you receive that, how much you've been forgiven, it will change how you choose to forgive others.

Forgiveness is undeserving. And last, forgiveness is freeing. And it's not just freeing for the person, It's actually freeing for you and I. See, a lot of times we think we're still holding on to what happened to us or what they did.

But in all reality, as long as you keep trying to control it, you're not holding it, it's holding you. See, when we choose unforgiveness, when we choose that, it will constantly show up in our lives as resentment, as bitterness, as frustration, as judgment.

Forgiveness is not just something coming from you, forgiveness is for you because it will free you. Forgiveness is freeing. And Matthew six fourteen says this, If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your father will not forgive your sins.

See, forgiveness is not just this horizontal thing between you and I or you and others. Forgiveness is something that happens vertically between us and the Father, and don't try to read into this text and what you think it's saying or what it's not saying. See, it's not something we earn, but what the Lord is saying, if you refuse receiving it,

then you'll never be able to offer it. So you have to receive it first, and it will then free you, because unforgiveness keeps you stuck, but forgiveness sets you free. Choosing unforgiveness will, every time, keep you stuck, but forgiveness is the thing that will set you free.

And I love this because it's not just a spiritual idea. This isn't just something that the Bible says. See, it's actually now been researched and backed scientifically.

Stanford University, Johns Hopkins, University of Wisconsin, many more have done these studies on people who choose to live in resentment or unforgiveness, and then they're starting to track these patterns and behaviors, and what do they do? What happens to these individuals? Higher levels of stress,

increased anxiety and depression, elevated blood pressure, weakened immune systems. They continue this study, and they're now tracking people who actually live a life of forgiveness. They practice forgiveness of themselves and others. How do they live their lives? What are the patterns? Lower stress, better mental health,

greater overall well-being, healthier lifestyles and relationships. See, forgiveness isn't just biblical, it's beneficial. It will not just change your soul, it will change your life. And I love this. I love that what the bible has said for going on a couple thousand years,

what it has always said science is now catching up to it. Forgiveness isn't just biblical, it's beneficial. It doesn't just change your soul, it changes your life. And now we hear that, maybe we even collectively just choose as one people group, we just choose to agree with it.

What we recognize is it's far easier said than actually done though. Hearing all that, reading it, scripturally, scientifically, we're like, okay, I agree with that. It's far easier to talk about than to actually live out.

So how do we practice forgiveness? Well, have one question. Hopefully, it will get us thinking a little bit. Have you ever prayed for the person that hurt you?

I'm not asking you have you ever prayed about them. I'm asking you have you ever prayed for the person that hurt you?

See, we just celebrated Easter last weekend. Celebrated it. It it is a joy. We celebrated it. But you look at the text. You look at what Easter was. Luke chapter 23, Jesus was on the cross. He had just been beaten, mocked, spit on, hit, wrongfully accused, about to be murdered.

He's hanging on the cross with some of his last breaths in front of the very people that put him there, and what does he pray to the father? Father, forgive them. He's literally about to die in front of the very people that put him on the cross, and he says, Father, forgive them.

See Jesus, he was fully God and fully man, which means he had feelings in his life emotionally, mentally, physically. He experienced those things just like you and I. I'd be willing to bet there's there's a part of me that truly believes this Jesus probably wasn't hanging on the cross feeling like forgiving them,

but the power is that he breaks the idea and proves it's not a feeling, it's not an emotion, it is a choice. Father forgive them for they know not what they do. Our mission here at Echoes Church, if you haven't heard it before, is to echo the life of Jesus in our everyday lives.

And as I was thinking about that, thinking about this message, was like, wow. One significant way we can echo the life of Jesus is to begin to forgive like Jesus forgave. But I recognize we can't do it on our own. Remember, you can't give what you don't have. There is a way to live it out, though.

There's three things I wanna quickly just share. There's a way to actually practice and live in forgiveness. The first one is receive forgiveness from God. And that's where it starts. There's no other starting point.

And the beauty of this, as we read in the passages, it has nothing to do with us or our our so called righteous good deeds or anything as we ever done. It's because of his mercy, and we just have to receive it. Romans three twenty two,

come on these bold ones, let's read these out loud together. We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ, and this is true for everyone who believes no matter who we are. For everyone who has sinned, we all fall short of God's glorious standard.

We can't live a life forgiven if we have actually never experienced forgiveness ourselves, And he's giving it to us freely, but we have to choose to receive it. You can't offer grace if you continue to choose to live in guilt. So before we can give forgiveness, we have to receive forgiveness first. And then,

number two, we forgive forgiveness to others. This is where it gets real. It's one thing to talk about it. It's another that actually receive it. It's a whole another level when you have to start to extend it to other people, especially those who have hurt you.

But Romans 12 says this, first word together, read it out loud. Come on now. Never, never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Now hear this from me clearly. Offering forgiveness

to others, especially those that have hurt you, does not mean you have to trust them, but it does mean you have to let them go. Offering forgiveness to others that have hurt you does not mean what happened was okay. It was not okay. But you have to choose to stop carrying it.

I'll say it again, what you refuse to release, what you refuse to let go, or you refuse to cancel, it will continue to weigh you down. And some of us have been carrying some things for far too long.

And we start to think, we start to justify it, we're like, I'm holding on to what was done to me. It wasn't my choice and not minimizing that. I'm not. But you're holding on to the wrong thing. In reality, the heaviest thing you might be carrying isn't the situation. It might not even be the individual anymore.

See, we receive forgiveness from God, we then give forgiveness to others, and last, we give forgiveness to ourselves.

Because see, some of us in the room, you start to maybe receive forgiveness from God in your head mentally, intellectually, like, okay, I'm starting to unpack this, understand it, but you have refused to receive it in your heart because you actually haven't offered it to yourself. See, God has forgiven you,

but you haven't forgiven yourself. We continue to bring up what God has continued to try to put behind us. But Romans eight:one. So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. No condemnation for those who belong to Christ. God isn't holding it over you anymore.

What you did or what was done to you, that is not God holding it over you anymore. That is not God condemning you, because there's no condemnation for those who belong to him. That is not God replaying what happened to you over and over again. So why are you? Why are you replaying it?

We keep reopening something God has tried to close. We keep holding on to something that God has asked us to let go of. What are you still holding on to? Who do you need to forgive?

What do you need to release? Where do you need to forgive yourself? You can't give what you don't have.

08/01/2017,

my family found out some horrific news. Just absolutely terrible. It wrecked us.

I'm not gonna share the details of it, but just know as a husband and a father, man, it's it's pretty much the worst thing you can imagine.

And I'll tell you right now, I did not handle it well. I didn't. I wasn't a pleasant person to be around. I wasn't kind to the people I worked with. I wasn't loving and supportive of my wife and how she was carrying this. I wasn't caring and and lifting up my girls and how they were processing these things.

I just suppressed it all. I rejected anything and anyone that wanted to help me through it. I knew I needed help, but I was not ready to receive it. But eight months later, and I went away for a one week faith based counseling intensive.

We were living in Las Vegas at the time. I literally flew to Florida. I was like, I gotta get away. And I was there for a week. Five days of four to five hour therapy and counseling sessions talking about all my stuff.

Not just about what happened to our family. That was honestly a brief portion of it. I mean, we've unpacked everything. Five days of this, I can stand here and tell you I hated it. I did. I hated the entire process, but I came home a new man. I came home to my wife. I apologized to her.

Came home to my girls. I held them close. Came home to reprioritize some stuff in my life that I knew was going to continue to make me unable to process what I needed to go through, and then God did what only he could do. Scripture tells us that that the Lord can take what the enemy meant for evil and turn it for good.

Now that passage doesn't say that the Lord takes what was evil and makes it good. It was not. It is still evil. But he takes what the enemy intended for evil, and he pulls something good out of it. And that's what he did for me.

So this is March. I go to this counseling intensive. I get back home, changing my life, changing my priorities. The very next month, god does something. I get invited to go do ministry inside of a prison. I've I've done this now a few different times, but I get invited for the first time in April 2018

to do ministry and worship inside of a prison. Hundreds, hundreds of inmates. The Lord puts me in a position of spiritual authority and influence over a room full of men that desperately need the hope and grace and forgiveness of Jesus. I don't know what they did to get there, but if they're there, it wasn't good.

And God puts me in a place of this beautiful, biblical, holy conviction, And I'm I'm just constantly in my head thinking through this, how do I offer forgiveness to these men when I'm still struggling, forgiving those that have hurt me?

But I come to realize at some point, the holy spirit does something in me, and it it really it changed everything in that moment. And I realized offering forgiveness doesn't excuse what happened, but it actually begins to set you free from it.

See, was in a place I was thinking, okay, if I truly believe in the forgiveness that Jesus has offered me, if I truly believe in the forgiveness that Jesus has offered every single one of these men,

if I truly believe in the forgiveness that Jesus offers the criminals that were hanging on the cross beside him, if I truly believe in the forgiveness Jesus has offered the people that put him on the cross in the first place, I have no other choice but to try to live and practice forgiveness in my own life.

No other choice. There's no other choice. Because Jesus didn't just die for the sins we committed. Jesus died for the sins committed against us.

On the cross, he paid for it all so we don't have to carry it anymore. So I wanna take a moment for all of us. I know it's gonna be different for everyone, but just to respond and bring some stuff before the Lord.

In just a moment, we'll receive communion. If you need communion, you can put your hand up. Our team will bring it down, but we'll receive it in just a moment. But I just want us to enter into just this place where before the lord, we can just confess some stuff.

For some of us, it's receiving forgiveness for the very first time. For others, it may actually be we need the lord to work in our hearts so we can start begin to forgive others. And there's others of us too, man. We just need to figure out how do we actually forgive ourselves,

either of what was done to us, even if it's outside of our control or what we've done to others. And so I wanna ask, would you all bow your heads and close your eyes?

Lord, we come before you right now.

God, we acknowledge what you did on the cross,

how you died a death that we deserved, but through that, you canceled everything we ever would have owed.

Lord, for some of us in the room right now, maybe we've never placed our faith, our hope, our lives in your hands, and God, I wanna give those people an opportunity. If you have never said yes to Jesus, man, maybe this is the moment right now. For the first time, receive the free gift of forgiveness.

And if that's you, there's no special words, but just in your in your own way, just pray to the father, Lord, I need you. I believe in your death, burial, and resurrection. I ask for your forgiveness, Lord. I wanna be with you. Would you lead me in my life, continue to forgive me in my life as I choose to forgive others?

And there's other people maybe that we just need to come before God and say, Lord, whatever I'm holding on to, I know it's not a one time decision, but right now, I will make a choice. I'm gonna begin to let it go. I'm gonna I'm gonna begin to release what had happened.

I'm gonna begin to forgive others that never deserved it because I never deserved it. And last, maybe people right now just need to give that forgiveness to themselves. You hold yourself accountable or guilty for something, maybe done or undone by you, but you just need to forgive yourself because there is no condemnation

in those who belong to Christ Jesus. Before we say amen, keep our heads bowed, eyes closed. If anyone prayed that prayer for the first time, God heard God sees you, but I would just love would you just lift your hand up for me? If you prayed that prayer for the very first time. Yes. I see you. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Thank you. You could put your hands down. When all God's people said, amen.